Ok so a lot of my posts lately have been serious, cynical and borderline negative. I'm a New Yorker, it's not my fault. However, I figured we were all due for a laugh so let me tell you about last Friday...
Friday Evening. 7.26.13
Newly turned 18 year old kid, we'll call him *Brad, comes in for his first tattoo. He's down here for a wedding so his entire family (including grandparents who laugh at him through the window) come down to witness this big moment. I'm also excited. Brad has been coming in all week looking at options and nailing down the appointment so it's my delight to finally get to put this scorpion on him. (I can't judge his choice, I picked a fairy for my first)
15 Minutes later....
I had just got the line work done and was about to start on shading. When "they" come in...
We'll call them Frank, Magenta, and Columbia.
Frank is a middle aged, over weight man with a white goatee, swim trunks, no shirt.
Magenta is his middle aged wife, equally round, thankfully wearing a swim top and shorts.
Columbia is a slim, attractive, Columbian woman in her 30's who is wearing a bikini top, shorts, and a fedora with blinking lights on it.
Frank and Magenta sit in the two seats in the waiting area and Columbia starts to grind and make out with both of them...
KEEP IN MIND this 18 year old, already nervous and in pain, is witnessing all this, with his entire family.... Mom is MORTIFIED.
At this time, My boss-lady, we'll call her Janet, comes in and makes sure the riff-raff are at least going to be paying customers. I was hoping we could kick them out. Unfortunately they weren't going anywhere and wanted tattoos.
Soon after...
I finish up Brad's tattoo and he's happy with it. (thank god). He thanks me and GIVES ME A TIP, and is off on his way. Mom, not as pleased.
Finally I get to the circus before me. During this time all three of them have been making out with each other, rubbing, touching, and lap dancing. I'm just glad I had a strong stomach.
WHILE THIS IS GOING ON... a group of drunk, college aged, guys are rooting and cheering on this floor show from outside while
also taking pictures.
A family actually comes into the shop, kids in tow, to have a better view.
What do they want?
Magenta wants Columbia's lip print on her.
Columbia wants Magenta's lip print on her
Frank wants BOTH Magenta and Columbia's lip prints on him...
.... OK
Janet pulls me aside and whispers to me
"They are drunk, they don't care, try to get them to pay $150 per custom lip tattoo. If they freak out being it down slowly"
I about fall on the floor. There is no way these people are going to pay that amount for a tattoo that takes like 10mins to do. I went for it because frankly, it was late and I wanted to go home and figured they'd flip and leave.... they didn't.
They paid the price with no argument.
And away we go!
Columbia went first. She got Magenta's lip print, in rainbow colors, tattooed on her hip. She squirmed but proceeded to make out with Magenta while I tattooed...
Then it was Magenta's turn. She got Columbia's lips in basic red, on her rather aged breast. She took
it better but that might be because she had her hand down Columbia's pants...
Finally it was Frank's turn. He got both of their lips over his nipple.. need I say more.
Once they were all done, wrapped up, and happy as shit, they tipped me and time warped out of there to do GOD KNOWS WHAT...
In the end, I didn't leave the shop til Midnight but with a good size wad in my bag and memories I hope to repress forever...
Don't Dream It, Be It.
-Casey
This is just plain hilarious. You can't make this craziness up!
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