OK so for those who do not know yet. I was a tattoo artist working on the beaches of Fort Myers, Florida. I was dating a British man and living quite an interesting life style.I then packed up the cat and the Brit and headed back to New York in the same car I'd packed up to come to Florida about 5 months earlier.
3 weeks in New York and went to England to be with the Brit where I then got engaged.
Happy Ending?
Not quite.
After a month I came back to the U.S. with a ring. Few weeks later, no ring.
I've been dealing with all the questions since... So here we go....
What happened with the engagement?
During our entire relationship I was told that his dream was to move to America with me and open our own tattoo shop. This was story I was told the entire time. I would ask him constantly if he was sure. I'm not a selfish bitch, I would never make anymore leave their country. He always reassured me this was the plan. He didn't care much for England anyway. Makes sense. David Beckham and J.K. Rowling both have homes in America. My own NYC tattoo artist is British and he also said America was way better. If anything I should have been worried he was just using me to get a green card. Well once I got to England, I was told his mind had changed. And, to make a long story short, I either was to give up everything I had been working for and move there and put my own life on hold, or we break up.
Here I am, in a foreign country, not supposed to leave for another 3 weeks, and I'm told this. I didn't want to break up, I didn't know what to do, the pressure was on so I said I'd move. For the rest of the month I tried to focus on the positive in the country. Tried not think about how I'd have to leave my friends, family, sell my car and all my things, give away my cat who's been with me through all this, and put my tattoo career on hold for this one person I'd been with for 5 months...
Once I came home, after a few weeks I realized this was utter bullshit. Why am I sacrificing everything and him nothing? So I called it off in December... needless to say, it was not a Merry Christmas.
Are you crazy!? I would have totally moved to England!
I am crazy, but I didn't want to to live in England. Ever been? Their food is bland and tasteless. They have like 6 radio channels, terrible TV, and NO. FLAVORED. COFFEE CREAMER.... If those aren't good enough reasons for you, how about I'd have no one else. No friends or family if things got bad or I needed a girlfriend wine night. I would be stuck. Not to mention I've been working hard to break into the tattoo industry. There I would have had to hold off and play housewife for a year while he got to grow and progress. No thanks. This is my life too.
Not to mention. Oh London? Yeah it's Nice. We have NEW YORK FUCKING CITY.
Argument. Done.
But if you love him? Why should any of that matter?
You are absolutely right. That's my point. Our relationship was so hasty, so quick, was it love or just the rush... If I really did love him enough for marriage that shouldn't have been a problem. But it was.
So it's like 16 degrees here. (New York) Why did you leave your beach shop in paradise?
Ok this takes some explanation. And yes, I'm insane. I will forever be known among my friends as the girl that stood on the beaches of paradise, stared at a palm tree and said "eh. I'm bored"... and went home.
I've always wanted to get out of New York, simply because I knew there was more out there and I didn't want to miss out. I don't regret any of the decisions I've made and I'm still not done. When the opportunity to leave the same damn city I grew up and lived in for 27 years opened up, I took it. And believe me, it was glorious. Warm weather, cold drink, beautiful beaches, cheap rent. Glorious. Here's what you may not know and probably only admitted to myself and a few non-judging friends, so... this will be fun. I went down there for a guy.
Yup. Best reason ever right? Believe me, I knew it was stupid. But I figured it was at least warm and if it was a huge fail and I was left crying, I'd be left crying on a beach by a beautiful ocean in a sundress.. better than an ice storm.
When I first went down there for just a week, I fell for the climate and area, but I fell STUPID for a person. I mean STUPID. I say stupid because who really knows if it was love, lust, infatuation, desperation, insanity. I'll tell you love, He'll tell you infatuation, my friends will say insanity. But you all know what I'm talking about...
In the mass of craziness in this world sometimes all it takes is a smile for it all to completely dissolve and come to stop. That's what happened. Nothing mattered. Everything mattered. The negativity was now void and it seemed the world was mine. Just from one smile from a stranger.
A week wasn't enough. Then again, in this sort of situation, a year isn't enough is it? Problem was, I lived in New York.. he.. a fucking Caribbean island. Being a male, and what I have learned to just call "island time" thinker.. he just sort of tossed it as, "well, that's that. Can't do much about to situation so. the end.
Me, I'm a New York female, we get shit done.
My thoughts. Well, Florida is warm, and seems to have a lot of opportunities, and it's only a 40 minute flight away from him. Much closer and feasible than say.. NEW YORK. That's all it took. In my defense this wasn't my ONLY reason. I had a place to live down there until I got on my feet that I will always be very grateful for. If you're reading this, THANK YOU AGAIN! And a new opportunity was starting for me as far as tattooing, so the stars were aligning up well and I knew I had to go.
Naturally the whole love part of the journey was an epic fail as these things tend to be. If Romeo and Juliet hadn't kill themselves after being in love after, what? 24 hours? How would that story really have ended? Guess we'll never know.
Around that time is when I met the Brit. This could also answer the question of why things didn't work out. He's an amazing person, but meeting anyone directly after a heartbreak is never a good, sound, time to make judgments.
So for a few months me and the Brit played house and I went on to work on the beach but that's all I had. I was the only artist in the shop and all my clients were tourists so I didn't have a lot of opportunities to makes friends. Had no family, and the Brit's visa was almost up. I'd basically be stranded in a tropical paradise. Girls need their girlfriends. They need their "Bitch and Wine" nights. Not to mention, I pretty much scared the mild mannered southern folk. Also, the Brit hated Florida. Hated it. He wanted to see mountains and culture, none of which Florida seemed to offer for us. So to New York we went. Should I have rode it out? Maybe, but I think I at least answered your question.
So instead you come... here?
Yeah. I did. I came here where when I have a crisis or just need to talk, I have friend's that'll brew up a cup of coffee or pour a glass of wine and vent out. I have family. I'm working in an awesome, drama free, drug free tattoo shop where I can actually develop regular clients. I have mountains to hike in, and yet the city culture I crave. And I'm a $25 round trip bus ride to New York City... the best place on earth. SO FUCK OFF.
Still doing stupid things for love?
Of course. If you're not doing stupid shit for love, what are living for? Honestly.What's Next?
Fuck if I know. That's my favorite part.
